Balancing Learning with Doing

So for those who don't know me personally, my boyfriend, Evan and I bought a farm this past May (cue fanfare!). While that has been very exciting, these first few months haven't left much time for horse-play. 

Our new place!

So, yesterday, for the first time since we moved into our new farm, I got to ride my 5 year old American Bashkir Curly, Lilah on our own property. It was certainly an invigorating experience, riding my horse on my farm! But, it also left me feeling the need to do more. You know, to dig out the dvds, to take more courses, to study more, to be better for my horse. And, while this is incredibly admirable and normal for those of us who follow the "never ending self-improvement" mantra, it can also be paralyzing to actual improvement. 

So, how can the act of learning to be better at horsemanship actually hinder improvement in horsemanship? I know, it does sound crazy! But, here's what I have discovered to be true (at least for myself):

It is easy to get caught up in the mindset that we don't know enough to be effective or to get to where we want to be with our horsemanship. Sometimes, this is reality and sometimes this is in our head. When it is reality, a lack of skills and knowledge drives us to seek out other answers. When it is in our head, a lack of confidence drives us to focus on learning more. On face, these two situations are not necessarily a bad thing as they both lead us to the same result: more knowledge. However, the hindrance comes when we are in process of learning which can cause us to become aware of how much more we do not know, which in turn can cause a greater lack of confidence. Likewise, learning happens outside our comfort zone, and it can feel pretty awkward and embarrassing to practice what we are trying to learn, which again, can hurt our confidence. Pretty soon, it becomes easier and easier to hide in the house rather than actually go out and trying some of these things with our horse! 

Sometimes we perpetuate the cycle with "retail therapy", which can make us feel really great at first. We feel like we are progressing.We think to ourselves, "I'll just buy this new rope, and then, when it comes, then I will be fully equipped to go out and try this new thing with my horse." 

Now, don't get me wrong, as Pat says, attitude, knowledge, tools, techniques, time, imagination, and support are the keys to success. So, I certainly don't want to de-emphasize the importance of good equipment, but the point is that each one of these keys can aid in our success or be excuses for not getting out there and doing things with our horse. I'll be the first to admit, I have used almost all of these as excuses. (I'm too busy, or not creative enough, etc.)

As with all things, we need to find a balance between learning and doing. We will always be our harshest critic. But your horse is not going to judge you for giving it your best shot and using the skills and knowledge you have in that given moment. Doing, practicing, being with our horses is the only way we are going to get truly better with horses. No more hiding behind the guise of learning, it's time to get out there and do it. Yes, we are going to look silly at first, but we will learn, and when we come back to our dvds and courses, when we know better, we can do better. 

Savvy on!

Melissa 

Soaring With Eagles (Part 3)

(Click to go back to Part 1 and Part 2)

Part 3: Outside My Comfort Zone

Some "wait" time for my RBI

Now, I know I was just saying how much the Level 3/4 clinic was a major boost to my confidence, and in just a few sentences it may sound like I'm about to retract that statement, but bear with me! The final day of the the clinic we focused on two of my biggest personal challenges, liberty and freestyle in an open, unfenced area.*gulp* Here's the story....

The day started out well enough, we began by troubleshooting issues from the previous day and recapping what we all learned, as we talked we enjoyed sitting outside in the cool(ish) morning breeze and it set the mood for a great day. Next we took our horses into the field on the 45 foot line. I didn't have one of my own so Jesse graciously let me borrow one of his. This was the first time we had ever played on the 45 and I was quite nervous about looking foolish. I certainly did not know how to coil the rope back up as I reeled it in, and found out pretty quickly that our phase 1 and 2 were pretty ineffective starting at about 23 feet! :/ After a quick warm up, Jesse asked everyone to work on flying lead changes either online or at liberty. Well, we had never done them but I figured, "why not!" and began watching Jesse instruct a fellow participant on how to use the fence to aid in the change of direction. Standing so the horse creates an arc or half circle as them move using the fence to block their path, Jesse would tell us to "drive, drive, drive" the horse to the fence, then "draw, draw, draw" them back in at a canter and then ask for the lead change by "drive, drive, drive-ing" them the other way. We were essentially using the figure 8 pattern in a very long range and using the fence to help aid the turn. At first Jesse pointed out that I wasn't bringing my energy up enough to encourage her to canter in to me, I literally had to run backwards and then send her out again. After some laps of counter-cantering, we finally got some really good lead changes in both directions! I was ecstatic and exhausted as the sun had risen overhead to about 95 degrees. After just 3 flying changes we moved on to a new task altogether (short, sweet, and successful!)

Rydel after doing a perfect flying change!

Not surprised to see our "draw" was broken, we have this problem at shorter ranges too. It took a lot of effort to get her to come into me at the right speed.

The next task was liberty, which required starting in individual round pens with the idea of slowly moving into bigger and bigger spaces. Let me preface this by saying, yes, we have done some liberty practice before, but I dont normally demand much during our sessions and definitely do not try to work through RB behavior without putting on my safety net (rope). Of course, being in a new setting with many other horses was not conducive for helping her stay focused on me while at liberty. Again, our hide your hinny was broken and we played with this as the key to perfecting our stick to me game. Whenever she would break free from me, it was hide your hinny until you connect with me with both eyes, and game over. That's the game- can you stay connected? For almost two hours we played with this in various capacities.

Stick To Me.

The most challenging was when we had to put all our horses together in the same open space, surrounded by a big fence (the largest part of the honeycomb), the idea was to have your horse stay with you and protect "your" space by making it very uncomfortable for a horse who has broken free from its human to do anything but go back to its proper human. Well, this was definitely a fun game for the left brain horses, but for the right brain ones, as soon as a little pressure was put on them, they couldn't think at all to try to get back to their humans. Not only was this a challenge for my horse, but it was challenging for me to stay calm and focus on keeping my horse connected to me while worrying about fending off other horses and not brining my energy up in a way that my horse felt it was being directed at her! Ack! Eventually I was able to keep her relaxed enough to stick with me but we were never able to achieve some of the higher level tasks such as having your horse maintain a circle around you. By the end, I was hot and miserable and feeling slightly defeated. 

Partial view of the Honeycomb.

The final task was freestyle in a wooded area without a fence. This was definitely outside my comfort zone and I was not feeing good about it. I knew it would be difficult to keep myself and my horse focused on a pattern with no rail to follow and no straight lines to use. I tried doing the figure 8 around some trees but it was difficult to maintain consistency and things fell apart at higher gaits. Next, Jesse had everyone work on steady rein and practicing stretching into the bit, something I couldnt do because I wasn't in a bridle, just a natural hackamore. As the session went on I rode around aimlessly feeling really depressed. Jesse seemed to ignore this though, I believe now he was waiting for me to find the courage to ask questions, something I'm not very good at. Finally he started giving us more directive tasks, sideways from point to point, back around a tree (which we were actually REALLY good at!) These simple tasks helped me regain confidence and after the backing I was feeling a lot better. Finally, Jesse had us pair up and do a trail ride through the woods two at a time. Rydel and I were paired with Sjoujke Janssen and her arab, Dyna. The arabs loved running through the wooded trail! Rydel was really excited and extroverted and was putting a lot of effort into going forward. She even jumped some logs and cantered willingly! I it was a lot of fun and she stayed pretty LB all things considered. On that good note we did a few more things and then ended our ride and consequently our clinic.

Really happy with her flexion here!

Trying hard!

How interesting, I weight my right stirrup more than my left.

We wrapped up with some final words sharing what we all learned. For me, it was a total mix of emotions. Happy because of all we had accomplished and grateful for the glimpse of our potential. A little frustrated at how good everyone was compared to us, but determined at the same time to go home and get to work. And finally, empowered thanks to having the tools and savvy necessary to make our dreams happen! :D 

Two hearts, one soul <3

Classroom Wisdom.

I'll be finishing up my undergraduate degree in Public Affairs this spring, and I could not be more excited about that! One thing I am not very excited about though is going to my leadership class every tuesday and thursday. As you may or may not know, Public Affairs (much like political science) is a major that is full of "Type A" personalities- of people who want to be lawyers, work in government, and even run for political office. The people in my leadership class are no exception. In fact, given the structure of the class, there always seems to be competition to be the most effective "leader" of the group. When I was in grade school and high school I thrived on academic excellence, on answering questions, and being singled out and put into classes for "enriched" and "gifted" students. I was confident in my abilities and I always lead group projects.

But things are different now. I've realized one thing, I am a leader among followers, but a follower among leaders. It was easy for me to take the lead and feel confident about my leadership when no one else jumped at taking the lead. But in my class, with every member of my group chomping at the bit to have things their way, I feel much more comfortable just sitting back and doing what I'm told. This is evident in my horsemanship as well, I have a right brained horse who needs leadership and rarely challenges me for authority. I feel comfortable settling into the role of leader for my horse. I am interested to see if I ever own a more dominant horse if I would have trouble maintaining leadership..(Hmmm!?...)

All in all, I think having "savvy"means having the ability to decide when to follow and when to lead, when to apply pressure and when to release. It's a balancing act, but it makes us better, more centered horsewomen in the end- and it obviously spills over into every aspect of our lives!

Life Outside Your Comfort Zone.

We've heard it said in our levels DVDs and we have all probably experienced it; Learning happens outside your comfort zone. Being the introvert that I am, this is something that I often struggle with, especially when it comes to playing with my horse around other people. I feel really lucky to have Emily at my barn who understands and supports me in my Parelli journey, and with this support I have made more progress at this barn than I have anywhere else. But as the number of borders at our barn has increased significantly in the past few weeks I find myself having flashbacks to last year. I feel uncomfortable being in the arena with other "non-natural" horse owners, I feel awkward knowing that they are watching me (whether it be out of interest or confusion), and after a while I find myself waiting until everyone is gone before I play with my horse.

Well, the first step is recognizing the behavior, and I know for the sake of continuing to make progress that I need to accept that things are going to feel awkward for a while and learn to focus on just me and my horse and no one else. After all, my horse is an introvert and I ask her to step out of her comfort zone all the time!- Put your nose on this tractor, walk into this cage on wheels, go sideways not forward or backward, etc. And while it might seem like the sky is falling at first, eventually she calms down and learns to accept it until it becomes almost second nature and she is better off because of it. Notice, I did not say she aways begins to enjoy it (although, sometimes she does!) because some things that you are truly afraid of you will never really enjoy but you will be able to get over them enough that you can function and make progress, which is the overall goal.

So, instead of making it something I dread, I plan to focus on the positives of stepping out of my comfort zone. Rather than viewing it as stepping into my "discomfort zone" I will view it as an opportunity to learn something new and to get a little bit more savvy so that I will be able to handle more complex situations such as dealing with other horses and riders in the arena. Pretty soon, my comfort zone will get bigger as I absorb new and awkward situations into my realm of normalcy. At the end of the day, its about what's best for my horse and our relationship, and for Rydel, I would do anything!

The Final Key To Success Is Support.

Until I made the decision to bring Rydel to Columbus, I didn't realize how much I was lacking in support. While my friends and family always had my back, it was nothing like having the support of fellow Parelli people who were going through or had been through the exact same trials and triumphs as I. My first taste of this kind of support was at the first barn I went to in Columbus. The barn owner practiced basic natural horsemanship and would have the barn members over for dinner on sundays to chat and watch the Savvy Club DVDs. At the time, I was satisfied with this as it was heaps more support than I was receiving previously. It was at that barn that I finally started to develop a relationship with my horse, an actual bond which I had never had before. I was happy that Rydel trusted me enough to be her leader and we were able to make a fair amount of progress, but it was far from our potential, and in the back of my mind I knew we were missing something. Nonetheless, I was overjoyed to have some horsey friends that didn't criticize my every move. Even if they didn't follow Parelli to the book, they helped me gain confidence in myself- something I desperately needed when it came to horses. You see, despite my understanding of natural horsemanship, I hadn't had a riding lesson since the 4th grade. I lacked total confidence in my riding and the only thing I feared more than cantering was going out of the arena.

Of course, just as Linda and Dr. Stephanie Burns had said, the only way to truly learn and progress is to step out of your comfort zone; Easier said, than done! Finally, one day my friends told (not asked) me that we were going on a short trail ride down the road. We were going out of the arena, off the property, down the road, to a cornfield and then back. Being the Introvert that I am, I had to make a choice: go and leave the comfort of my arena, or stay and be ALONE! In the end, the prospect of being without my "herd" of friends was too much, and before I knew it I was riding out the gate to the property. Slowly and shakily I rode down the road toward the cornfield complete with passing cars. (At this point, I feel compelled to point out that I was the only one riding in a rope halter.) Before I knew it, we were riding out of the field and back up the road to the property of the barn. I couldn't believe I was actually riding on the road, and my little arabian was handling things like a champ! That was a real turning point for me and my confidence. Later that year I was coerced into applying for clinics at Equine Affaire. Much to my surprise, Rydel and I were accepted for two clinics, riding clinics! After about a week of working with the trailer, Rydel walked in confidently the morning of our clinics. Once there, however, we were both a mess! She was practically flying around the fairgrounds and by the time everyone in our first clinic was on their horse, there I was with Rydel, still not mounted, doing my best to hold back my tears. It took every ounce of courage to put my foot in the stirrup and get on (which I know, was absolutely against better judgment), but I was in front of at least 70 people and it was do or die. Well I did it, and I didn't die. Eventually, I was able to get Rydel thinking about the tasks at hand, weave these cones, follow the rail, maintain gait, and oh yeah, relax! It was a long day but we got though it and I might not have gained any horsemanship skills, but I am extremely proud that I overcame my fear! After all, how could I possibly ask my horse to be confident, if I couldn't learn to do the same!

(Rydel and I at Equine Affaire before our second clinic.)

Throughout that year I continued to be a more confident rider, I learned to relax at the canter, and even started learning to jump. To this day, I definitely don't have show-quality equitation, but I am happy to go out and have a gallop on the trail, and I'm fine with that. Of course, up until this point I still didn't have the support of anyone whose heart was really in Parelli, and that is what I needed most. I began frantically searching the Savvy Club forums for members who live in my area. That is how I found Emily, my Parelli enthused new best friend! Emily was the spark that relit the fire in my heart for Parelli. Even without actually meeting her, she had me excited about Parelli again, and together we promised we would go to a Parelli clinic together. Within a few short weeks of knowing each other we had made plans to go to a Parelli Play Day at Parelli Professional, Jesse Peter's farm. The moment our horses stepped out of the trailer, there was a calm that fell over the place. Everyone was in a thinking frame of mind, the horses were calm, and Emily and I knew we had found exactly what we needed! That day was the beginning of so many breakthroughs for Rydel and me. After a private lesson with Jesse, I had a completely different perspective and I was ready to take on the world! I learned that matching Rydel's energy when she gets right brained minimizes the amount of time she stays that way before she starts asking questions. I also learned how to be a more effective communicator and my new motto: retreat, retreat, retreat! After that day I felt like I had a clear and easy way to deal with Rydel's blow ups, how to make things her idea, and how to build her confidence. I couldn't be more grateful we decided to go to that Play Day!

 (Emily and I with our horses, Rydel and Sonny at the Parelli Play Day.)

It was definitely a new beginning; the start of something great!